Friends

Today is probably one of the days that I love. Oh, nothing really special happened. Things seem to be just ordinary. But those ordinary things became special because they came from the people I love, from the people I treasure. From the people that showed concern.

Note: There were some things in this post you won't probably understand. I'd probably write them in a separate post. ^^

I badly need to go to school. I badly need to get away. I badly need to escape. And school is a place where I forget my problems. School is a hell sometimes, sure, but I would rather live in this place.



I went to school like nothing happened. Like everything is normal. Like there's nothing wrong. Daily routines were just the same like any other day: I was late so I hid my ID so the SLTCs won't get it and I won't have to pay for the fine. Haha. Mr. dela Torre was not in the room--as usual--and I was noisy when I entered the room because Jorvina was talking about the Otaku Expo and I went hyperactive. We talked about the cosplay event and she said she's going to come. Jayson already said days ago that he wanted to come, and I invited Louis and Jette too.

I told them that I prefer going on January 24 (Sunday), than January 23 (Saturday) because we have a mass during Saturday. I was torn between things. So, you probably know that I am the Glee Club President. I never had an absent during every Saturday mass. As in, never, my attendance is complete, except on the day when I took the UPCAT.

I'm having problems with my members who don't attend Saturday masses. It's our obligation, but there were times when they prefer going to a friend's party or going somewhere else than attending the choir. I always tell and remind them who we are serving in the mass, and being a member--which gives extra-curricular points to star section students (Glee Club is composed of star section students, I think there's only five of us who are non-star), and service award on graduation--have obligations and responsibilities along with it.

So, they want to go on Saturday. It is easier for me to go on Saturday than Sunday too. But I was thinking of the choir.

One part of my mind says that it is okay, since they could go to anywhere they wanted to go during Saturdays without thinking much of the choir. I have perfect attendance, and maybe I could give in to myself. And besides, they're always relying on me. What will happen of them with that?

On the other hand, I am thinking of Him too. I keep on reminding them that we're serving Him, and yet, I will choose over going to a cosplay event than singing for Him. Okay, so my members do the same thing at times, but, is that a reason for me to skip a Saturday mass?

Me: Hindi ko nga alam kung Sabado o Linggo tayo. Yung choir kasi e.
Jorvina: Okay lang yun, kaya na nila yon.
Me: *saying my reasons stated above*
Jorvina: Saturday na lang tayo. Magpaalam ka na lang kay Lord. Minsan lang naman.

The idea of going on Saturday instead is getting more and more tempting.

Then, I remembered Iori's situation. So I told you that he's planning to go the cosplay event so the three of us can meet up. He's not available on Saturday because he have a review class, and can only go on Sunday.

Therefore, we can't go on Saturday if Iori is really coming.

Later on, Steni saw the bruise at the corner of my left eye. Jette learned about it later on. I was hiding it with my bangs. Not the I was hiding it because I didn't want them to learn about it, but it looked horrible and I couldn't walk around with that bruise visible. My classmates were asking me questions about where I got it.

Steni: 'San mo nakuha yan?! *asked in an incredulous tone*
Me: Wala 'yan. Pagkagising ko kaya nagulat na lang ako na ganyan na yan. *said in a really convincing manner*
Steni: *almost serious tone* 'Di nga, san mo nakuha 'yan? Binugbog ka no? *said in a joke tone but seriously asking way*
Me: Sabi na e!

Many others asked about it, and I was responding with my expressions "Sabi na e!" and "'Lol!". Would it make difference if I tell them? No. It would just lead to unnecessary thoughts. It was better this way.

They ended up having speculations. I've been telling them that there were times when I would woke up and my body hurts and I have weird little bruises on legs and arms (which is really happening to me, and I don't freakin' know why and what the hell is happening to me). So they said that there were maybe something paranormal that is happening to me that result to the large bruise. Haha. Too much of watching Paranormal Activity! XD

It really looked horrible naman kasi. It was so purple and I looked like I was really been hit. The funny thing about it is that the dark purple looked like a smudged make-up, or an eyeliner, except for the lighter bluish-purple color that surrounds it. I was trying to borrow an eyeliner so I could put on to the other eye para hindi halata but my classmates didn't bring one. 8D

When Jette and I talked over the phone yesterday, I asked him to come with me in Muntinlupa City Library for the thesis research. I told him that I'll ask Steni too (since that two cannot go without the other). So we're going today at lunch break, and Louis would come along too.

Before going to the rooftop for Music, I went to CR first. When I got out, I saw Lea. She hugged me (since I randomly do that), and I grinned at her in a not-cheerful way.

"Lea." I said and when I hugged her, I know I'm losing it. Nagkwento ako sa kanya, with a tasteless smile, and then, there. I broke into tears because I could keep them from coming out. I was ranting at her between humorless smile and sarcastic laugh and tears, and based on her expression, I know she's thinking that it is something serious.

I could see her concern. I can see her desire to help. To advice something good. But I could tell that she can't find the words. She knows that she couldn't help at all.

But at that moment, I barely need an advice or help; I just need to pour these things out and rant. I just need to cry on to someone I trust. I just need to tell this to a person who will listen, and wouldn't think of something else.

I don't really need pity. But I could see it in her face. It was all written on it.

I guess it unavoidable. The situation was pitiful naman talaga e. Even I myself told her that I pity myself for having to do things to hide it. Hah.

Lea's wrong. She helped. She really helped.

Students were shooting glances at us and some were asking me what the matter is. I had to hide my face so others won't see me cry.

Ms. Rasdas came and Lea had to get inside. Ms. Rasdas was about to interrogate me but I avoid her eyes and just grinned at her and went inside our room.

I was trying to keep a normal voice when I told Steni to move over, though when they saw me hiding my eyes, they knew that I cried and they were asking me why.

I didn't know how to manage to keep my voice normal, and I answered them that nothing is wrong and I am okay and I am not crying (which is obviously am). Of course, they weren't believing. Koleen, Steni, Jette, and even Jayson asked me, but I told them I was okay and I buried my face on my arms to hide my eyes, and I was a bit surprised when Jayson patted me but of course, it came a long with jokes.

When I was able to fix myself a bit, I sat up normally. Jette was keeping on bugging me why I cried even when Mr. Bautista entered the room at natatawa na lang ako sa pangungulit niya.

Jette: Bakit ka umiyak?
Me: Wala. *ignores*
Jette: Bakit ka nga umiyak?
Me: Wala nga!
Jette: E bakit ka muna umiyak?
Me: @#$%^&*! Mukantanga si ang kulet! (I'm not really angry. We're just swearing and really cursing each other. A lot.)
Jette: Bakit ka nga umiiyak?
Me: E bakit mo ba tinatanong?
Jette: Wala. Nakikitsismis.
Me: Wala naman pala e, tsismoso ka talagang @#$% ka!
Jette: @#$%! Syempre di ko sasabihing concern ako kasi lalaki yung ulo mo. Sabihin mo concern ako sa'yo. Kaya nakikitsimis na lang ako. Para ipapangalandakan ko na umiyak ka. Syempre muka naman akong tanga na ikukwento ko tapos di ko naman alam kung bakit ka umiyak. @#$%!

I felt glad with what he said (of course, not about the cursing parts XD) because Jette is not the showy type. Even Steni nor Jayson. I don't normally hug and glomp them randomly unlike what I do to my close friends since they were not the kind who accept cheesy stuffs. They were even feeling "WTF!? Magtigil ka!" when I was telling them that I love them, which is my form of paglalambing.

After Music, we went to Chowking to eat lunch. I told them I'm gonna eat lunch at our house because I need to save money but they were insisting for me to eat with them. Jette was even saying things like, "Ganyan ka naman e!" which is a joke to us and a way of getting what we wanted. At the end, I gave in.

Jette and I bought a 1.5 drink at Blaida's so we won't have to spend much. While buying Royal, he asked me again why I cried.

"Bakit ba kasi? Kwento mo na kasi, muka namang tanga to e! Ganyan ka naman e."

I felt nice about our conversation. Not about the cursing part, of course, but though Jette and the others were not saying it, I know that they are concern. I know that they wanted to somehow, comfort me. Maybe they're really curious, but I know, I could feel that somehow, they wanted to help too.

I could've confide to them. I'm not really hiding about the situation but I just don't want to bug other people. Maybe, some other time.

We ate lunch and went to the city library, only to find out that it is close during lunch break and would open at 1PM. And it was only exactly 12:00. I could wait, but I thought of an idea. I told Jette that we'll just stay in their house, and after bugging him, we gave in. Haha. He even treated us the fare for the tricycle.

Jette's house was just small--that's why he wouldn't want us to come whenever I bug him--but I didn't really care. This was my second time to come to their house. I was jokingly complaining about how slow their computer is, and how stupid he is with it, but I ended up lying in the sofa (my head on Steni's lap and my legs on Louis. haha >:D)and taking a nap. I woke up after a few minutes and commented that their sofa pillow smell of him. He let me use their mouthwash because I told him I didn't brought a toothbrush and I'm not used going out or to school without brushing my teeth. I complained that the mouthwash tasted like brandy.

We left at 2PM for school and went with Steni first in Watsons to buy her contact lens solution. Didn't much happened during afternoon classes except Ber and the others were Dizon about me during English and we watched Tom and Jerry film for the Work or No Work activity in Physics.

I went to the Basil since Ayyah and I go home (or more appropriate, go out of the school) together. She hugged me when they went out of the room and asked, "Bakit?" and I was a bit startled. She said Lea told him that I have a problem. I didn't really care at all, but I end up crying again. She told me to hold back the tears first because they have a meeting in guidance and she'll face me after that.

Remo and the others were waiting outside the library too and I hugged him and he lifted me up (he always do that when I hug him, while Eday lifts me and moves me in circular motion... like I am a little kid). I hugged Ginnique too and greeted her a happy birthday again. Eday asked for the one hundred pesos for Mr. Cejero's birthday tomorrow (since I am an "SSG officer"), and I toyed with his face while he tells me the plan. I wasn't able to hug him since he got to do something.

This is one of the things I love to do: hugging friends. It makes me feel better. This is my remedy when I feel down, and my caprice on ordinary days. It was good when I feel the warmth of their embrace and... I just feel better.

I waited for Ayyah. Their meeting ended before 6PM. We went to PEAC and I ranted my heart out and she just listened. As in, super nag-rant talaga ako. I didn't think much of what I would say and just let my mouth say random things about it and what my heart feels. I ranted, and cried, and talked, and cried, and ranted, until I said everything that I could say.

I cried. Hard. I thought I shed lots of tears today that I could cry more, but I still cried hard. Ayyah said she doesn't know what to say and like Lea, her face shows pity for me. I could even see her eyes were misty and she just... can't say anything. I barely need advice because my situation is something you that couldn't be fixed. I just need to talk, and someone to listen, and it enough to make me feel better.

Ayyah said her piece of mind and I know those things that she said. But coming from her, coming from someone who is not in the situation and just analyzing the things, it was a bit different. I've always know those things, but... I realized I barely know those stuffs. I just can't explain it.

I felt better after it. I apologized and told her I feel guilty because I have to tell this kind of things to them. I have to, or else I would lose my mind. She said she didn't mind. I know it. I know it, and that is the reason why I trust to tell Lea and Ayyah these things, even it is embarrassing.

I hugged Ayyah tightly. "I love you Ayyah," I told her. "Kahit hindi ko man madalas na naipapakita sa inyo, mahal na mahal ko kayo. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung wala kayo. Siguro kung nagkataong ako yung klase ng tao na walang kaibigan at laging mag-isa, baka nasiraan an ako ng ulo. Thank you."

I was one of those moments that I strongly realize how lucky am I to have these awesomely wonderful people with me. Of course, I get annoyed with them sometimes, there are bad times with them too, but they were also the people who bring great joys in my life. I don't know what I would do if I don't have them. Jayson, Steni, Jette, Ginnique, Ablay, Remo, Eday, Lea, and Ayyah, and my other friends who make my life meaningful and happy--I always love them. I know they may not love me the same way that I love them, but I know, that somehow, they are the people I could trust. They are the people who show concern to me. It would probably be impossible for me--a little, problematic creature--to survive all these if not because of them.

I really love them. Just a few months before graduation and we would be separating ways, but I greatly hope, they will remain my friends and I will love them more.